Monday, June 28, 2010

The art of racing in the rain..

This is from one of my favorite books, The Art of Racing in the Rain. It is from the perspective of the family dog...

For Snoop, the happiest dog in the world.

"In Mongolia, when a dog dies, he is buried high in the hills so people cannot walk on his grave. The dog’s master whispers in the dog’s ear his wishes that the dog will return as a man in his next life. Then his tail is cut off and put beneath his head, and a piece of meat of fat is cut off and placed in his mouth to sustain his soul for its journey; before he is reincarnated, the dog’s soul is freed to travel the land, to run across the high desert plains for as long as it would like.

I learned that from a program on the National Geographic Channel, so I believe it is true. Not all dogs return as men, they say; only those who are ready.

I am ready....

When I return to the world, I will be a man. I will walk among you. I will lick my lips with my small, dexterous tounge. I will shake hands with other men, grasping firmly with my opposable thumbs. And I will teach all people that I know. And when I see a man or a woman or a child in rouble, I will extend my hand, both metaphorically and physically. I will offer my hand. To him. To her. To you. To the world. I will be a good citizen, a good partner in the endeaver of life that we all share."

Thursday, June 17, 2010

dis is why we cain't have nice tings.

Now dat we live in the poartments, mama lets me have the the run of de whole! house! Here are tings that I like about bein the man of the house.
1. Snugging:
When my mama leaves, I get up in my mamas bed and I snuuuugg down into the covers. I specially like this on cold and rainy days. Normallies, I get up out the bed b4 mama gets home.. but last week she caughted me snugging up in her beds. She laughed at me and tooked my piksures.

2. Barking:
My mama is so nice to me. She put my big boy chair riiight in front of de windows so I can see the peoples on the street and yell at them and say, "hey, i'm levon, I lived heres." Sometimes, she forgets to pull up the blinders so I can see the peeps. So, I had to kill the blinders. Now we ain't got none. I says that it is more better. Mama sais this is why we can't have nice tings.

3. Destroying
Sometimes, if I get bored... I gets a little mad. I'm a fierce little dashhound and sometiems I need to reminds you of dat. Here's a list of tings I has destroyeded.

  1. the blinders
  2. 4 comforters
  3. countless pillows (pillows are eveel and must be destroyed!)
  4. cute flips from target
  5. the kitchen trash
  6. placemats on the taberl.
  7. a bouquet of flowerz (they tasted funnies)
  8. 4 of my necklaces (leashes)
  9. mama's leggy raczer
  10. the toilet paper rollly

I knowed that I look all cute and innocents..but I'm baaad. Bad to the bone. Here's the proofs.

My biggest complishments yet. Total destroycution.
Oh Hi, I'm in ur target bags.
Tireded from my escalades. got to sleepy in mamas bed.
I killeded that pillow ded.
pending on context this is my "Pity the Fool" face or my "How u doin" face.